We hear the kids say it "I NEED THAT TOY"... Do they really NEED it? NO!
We hear ourselves say it "I NEED A COFFEE" Do I really NEED it to live or die? NO!
But how often do we hear ourselves say it to our kids? "I NEED YOU TO DO THIS OR THAT"
When in reality the only thing we NEED them to do is stay safe and out of trouble. The rest is not life or death.
To a Toddler and in my case a 5 year old, A parent saying the words "I Want, or I Need, or I SAID do this because I said so" is going to do nothing but offer you a "Fast Pass to Whiny Land!" And the inevitable "NO" that follows.
If you offer a question to my son as in "Will you do this?" the answer will be NO.. I can't complain about that because I asked and he answered. If I offer a demand in any way, shape or forum, the answer will be "NO, I won't"
Not because he is a child that doesn't know how to behave, but because he is seeking his independence. As he Should. I want him as 13 Year Old to say NO to his friends when they tell him he must do something.
That said, I don't allow him to not do the things I "NEED" done either... Its just a different use of words that my Hubby has yet to figure out!
This morning, Veg went to the bathroom and the conversation went like this...
"You NEED to Wash your hands"
<NO>
"I said, wash your hands"
<No, I won't>
"You'll do what I say before you leave this bathroom"
<Nope, then I guess I won't leave the bathroom and I won't go to school>
-------HA, Yeah, now Hubby is in a pickle-----------
Insert me... saying the same thing but changing the words to my pouty little guy that is now sitting on his step stool refusing to leave the bathroom nor wash his hands...
"Good Morning, After you wash your hands you can come out and eat breakfast"
<OH Great thanks Mom, what are we having?> as he jumps up to wash his hands happily!
Hubby just looks at me in that little half hearted/half annoyed smile..... "How did you do that?"
Geesh! Someday after watching this enough, he will figure it out... Surely!
What I did, was not offer a chance for him to say NO. I offered a win win situation, and words that didn't sound demanding or intrusive on his independence. I also gave him the ability to make a Good Choice. And the more good choices he learns to make the better off he will be later in life.
On a side note, the kid ALWAYS washes his hands... He can't stand to be dirty, and even wipes the seat if he makes a mess, been doing that since he was 3... But because his Dad put on the "YOU WILL DO THIS ACT" first thing in the morning, our Veg decided he wouldn't....
What I did was save us a morning of whiny tears and let us be on time to school... You can guess how the morning would have went if Hubby continued with his approach.
But this lesson today did teach me, to look out for how many times I say the word "NEED" That four letter word can cause quite a stir.
