Hubby and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to parenting.... we grew up very different....and have very different beliefs... Thankfully I've been able to win most sides of the parenting arguments especially the kind that involve violence, or my sons bottom would no longer exist!
(yes its true.. *Gasp*.. I don't believe in the whole spanking thing, and if I continue to have my way, the Vegman will be the same with his children because he knows no different)
But there are times where they are just NOT getting along... I mean all out Strong Willed Father Son Word Wars!!! Over things like Hubby wanting Veg to take his socks off when he gets home... You would think the sky was falling... its a pair of socks for petesake... the kid, comes home, goes to the bathroom, washes hands, cleans out his lunchbox, makes his lunch, feeds the dog (all by choice) if he forgets to take his socks off, is the world coming to an end??? I THINK NOT!! Let it go!!
Hubby told me the other day during one of our "parenting" talks.....
"If I said NO to my Mom, I would have been beatin to a pulp... I respected my Mom..." he said...
<NO, You Feared your Mom> is what I replied.
"Well at least I didn't talk that way to her face"
<No, you just acted out in other ways and behind her back>
Of which he agreed.... We talked about his teenage years, his adult years... Maybe it sunk in... I dunno...
If I were to back talk my Mom, I'd get the comment "No Respect", possibly a "Now that wasn't nice" Or even maybe a "Hey, who peed in your Cereal Missy, go back out of that room and start over".... and my favorite "I'm talking to you less".....Of course she liked to throw soft things if you were too sarcastic...
"Look out... here comes a dish towel, Mom is Maaaaaaddddd"
You see, My Mom gave me the option to speak my mind, stand up for myself, figure out my likes and dislikes.... I didn't know this then, but she gave me the choice to be kind or not. She earned my respect and didn't demand it. She taught me right from wrong by example and by living with my natural consequences. She was ultimately the best Mom on the entire planet...
Of course it took my like 30+ years to realize some of these things, but who I am now is totally because of her. How different would I be, if she broke my spirit, put her demands on me, treated me with No Respect.
How different would I be, if I didn't have her trust, her caring, her love to fall back on, no matter what my actions were. What if I just got sent to my room, or hit or deprived food, because of words that came out of my mouth...
OH WOW, with my Strong Will and the words that came out of my mouth??? I would have starved, spent my whole life in my room and had every bit of my body bruised... what kind of adult would I be had my childhood been that way???
So back to my Vegman... I'm giving him the ability to speak his mind (to an extent)... I told Hubs that I wanted Veg to respect us because he chooses to. I want him to be kind because he feels it is the right thing to do. I want him to know that even when he is unkind, we still love him. I want the knowledge of right from wrong to be a choice....
Because if it is, then even when we aren't around he will make the right choice. Sure, he will make mistakes. Sure, he will test the limits... But if the choices are his own, my hope is that, when he is put in a dangerous situation, he doesn't hide and do it anyway, that he will do the right thing.... Not because he is afraid of what Mom and Dad may do, but because he Wants to!
So he can say "NO" to me all he wants... In most cases, there is a natural consequence to his "NO"..... Just like in real life.
If I say NO to my boss, I could get fired. If I say NO to my Mortgage Collector, I could loose my house... But if I say NO To Drugs... I'm doing the right thing.
In Veg's little world, if he says NO to taking his socks off, is that life or death? NO!
If he says NO to making his lunch though, then he won't eat the next day... If he says NO to putting his shoes on in the morning, then he won't get to go on the playground at school (must have shoes for that)
I'm not going to force him to put his shoes on... His choice.. I may remind him of the consequence, but I would never "Discipline" him for saying NO!
Soon the HUBS will agree with me... I can feel it!!